


All That I Have

by Chash



Category: Hanazakari no Kimitachi e | Hana-Kimi (Manga)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-13
Updated: 2007-12-13
Packaged: 2018-01-25 03:54:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1630139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chash/pseuds/Chash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nakatsu's life just seems to evolve.  Nakatsu/Kayashima.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All That I Have

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Marks

 

 

All That I Have

"But when worlds collide,  
and all that I have is all that I want.  
The words seem to flow  
and the thoughts they keep running.  
And all that I have is yours.  
All that I am is yours."  
-Mae, "The Sun and the Moon"

It just made sense to keep on being together after high school, Nakatsu thought. After all, they got along well, they were friends, and they knew they could live together, even in cramped quarters. The idea of adjusting to a new person simply hadn't been appealing. And they already had an idea of how things would go, a way of working around each other. They were a team, in a way.

It was a simple evolution from there, once they started cooking their own meals and being more on their own. Kayashima was willing to cook breakfast, waking up earlier for his work and watching the morning news with the sound turned low. He could see the auras even through the TV, sense if what they were saying was good or bad, put together manner and images to come up with what was happening in the world.

(Nakatsu did not know that most of the time, as the rice and miso cooked and he rooted around for something else, Kayashima was really watching his aura, to see if he was having good dreams, maybe, or just because he liked watching him.)

It was nice, coming home to someone who would say "welcome back." Nakatsu had been afraid that once he graduated and Mizuki went to America and Sano followed her, with the naturalness of day and night, that all their other friends would fall apart too, that they would scatter to different universities and never see each other. But Kayashima was willing to stay with him, even as their lives went in different directions.

Kayashima even seemed to like staying with him.

Nakatsu didn't have self esteem issues or anything, but he had always figured in his more reflective moments that he must be hard to live with. Probably his friends in the league had been glad that he'd already had his apartment was already sorted out; probably they were glad they didn't have to offer to room with him out of politeness. He could be a handful.

"I'm home," says Kayashima, walking in and interrupting his thoughts. "Your aura is strangely pensive."

"Welcome back!" says Nakatsu. "I thought I'd try cooking tonight."

"It smells like MacDonalds," Kayashima says flatly.

"I already finished trying," he grins, flashing the peace sign. "I got you a Big Mac."

"Ah, thanks."

"But we're still going to eat it like a proper meal," he declares.

"If you want to."

"But, ehehe, it's a little embarrassing! I forgot to buy drinks."

Kayashima gives him a look.

"If it isn't too much trouble can you go to the vending machine down the street, Kayashima? Please!"

"Fine, fine. What do you want?"

"I'll leave it to you. But today, it's on me!"

"Thanks," Kayashima says, unimpressed. "Then I'm going out again."

"Bye bye!"

Once Kayashima's gone, Nakatsu gets back to thinking. They've been living together for a while now, and he wants to show his appreciation to Kayashima on his birthday. His plans to make dinner for a change fell through a little, but Kayashima likes MacDonald's.

Nakatsu just doesn't really know a way to say thank you, other than just saying it, which doesn't seem like enough, sometimes. He says thank you for so many things. It seems a little flippant, to express something like how glad he is to have found someone who sticks with him.

It hurt him when Izumi and Mizuki left. Of course, he never could have stayed with them--it would have been like an American sitcom when they were trying to build a life and a family and he was the annoying friend who never got a clue. And even more than that, he likes being in Japan, likes being in the J-League, likes his life.

He just liked high school too.

So he likes Kayashima and having someone's shoes next to his by the door.

He's a pretty simple guy, when it comes down to it.

"I'm back," says Kayashima, opening the door and sliding off his shoes. "I got you peach."

"Thanks!" he says. "I got the table ready."

"Oh, you really went all out."

"It's a special occasion!"

Kayashima looks surprised. "It is?"

"It's your birthday. Man, don't tell me you forgot! You must be getting senile in your old age," he grins.

Kayashima--he can't be blushing. Kayashima isn't a blush kind of guy. But he looks surprised. "I've been busy, I guess," he admits.

"I was going to cook you a big meal," says Nakatsu, sitting down. "But I guess it didn't work out like that, you know?"

"It's all right," says Kayashima, sitting across from him. "Let's start eating."

"Let's!"

For a minute, there's silence as they tuck into their burgers, but it's a good pause. Kayashima is smiling a little, in his way.

"Ah, thank you. It was nice of you to think of it," says Kayashima.

"I was gonna do more, but, ahaha. I guess I didn't do so well."

"No, it's very good."

"You know, the other players sometimes ask me if I have a wife," says Nakatsu, laughing even though he doesn't think it's exactly ha-ha funny. "Because I always like going home, and I have the nice box lunches, and I never date any of the girls who like me, you know. And no matter how many times I tell them, they never believe I found a roommate as good as you. And I can't believe it either! Sometimes I think, like, what it'd be like if I got paired with Izumi or Sekime, and you were just another guy in the dorm, and how I wouldn't have been as lucky with them, even though they're great guys. It's different, you know?"

"Ah," says Kayashima, staring resolutely into his Big Mac. His aura might not be pink, but his cheeks are.

"I got a little carried away, huh," says Nakatsu.

"Mm," says Kayashima. He pauses. "I'm glad you were my roommate, too."

"Ha, I didn't mean to get all sappy on your birthday. Well, I guess I did."

"I thought," says Kayashima, delicately, as if he was tiptoeing, "you were doing something for a girl."

"Huh? When?"

"Your aura," says Kayashima.

(Nakatsu has never been quick, Kayashima knows that. But he's smarter than people give him credit for, and some things, you need someone else to say.)

"Oh, no girls. It's weird, I haven't been interested in anyone too much, since Mizuki. Maybe I'm pining."

"Maybe," echoes Kayashima.

"Not that kind of aura, huh?" asks Nakatsu. "Man, sometimes that feels like cheating on a test, you know?"

"Mm."

Nakatsu rubs the back of his neck. "I guess I really went to far, huh?"

"No. Not too far," Kayashima says. He pauses, sips his soda, looks directly at Nakatsu for the first time since his outburst. "Do you think about Ashiya often?"

"Not these days. It's been four years, you know. Even I'm not that hung up. She's pretty, but I think she ruined girls for me."

"Is that so."

"None of them are as cute as she is. I'm just not that interested. I wond..."

Kayashima looks as if his Big Mac is the most interesting thing he's ever seen.

"Kayashima?"

No answer.

"About my aura..."

"I'm sure it was a fluke. You don't have to worry."

Nakatsu is thinking too hard to really pay attention to him, though. Because Kayashima is always _there_ , just another part of life, and he has been for so long that Nakatsu never quite realized that he wasn't scared about having no one there when he woke up as much as he couldn't quite picture the world where Kayashima wasn't living with him. Even if they'd wanted to, he couldn't imagine himself living with Nakao or Noe.

It wasn't as simple as boys and girls, but then it never really had been. Because there was Mizuki, and that wasn't him magically being so straight he could see through her disguise. It was all about her. And there was something appealing just about boys, and something about girls, but mostly just about _people_.

Kayashima wasn't really anything like Mizuki, but that wouldn't have worked anyway. The girls Nakatsu saw all ended up being pale versions of Mizuki, too easy to compare to her. But Kayashima and Mizuki were like night and day.

"I guess we can't go on like this, huh," he says finally. "I guess you've known for a long time."

But when he looks up, Kayashima looks surprised.

Nakatsu's never really been known for his foresight, and even if Kayashima is really perceptive, sometimes Nakatsu's natural stupidity can get ahead of him.

So he doesn't seem to see the kiss coming.

(Kayashima has seen Nakatsu kissing him thousands of times, but none of them ever had, in his opinion, any basis in reality. That made the real thing all the more surprising.)

Nakatsu spills the last of his peach Fanta when he leans across the table, but there isn't much there so it just gathers in little puddles on the plastic top. Kayashima is warm and willing and kissing a boy isn't really different from kissing a girl, Nakatsu thinks--it's the wanting that makes the difference, not the gender. And even though Kayashima's the quiet type he makes a little noise as Nakatsu pulls away.

He still looks a little shocked, too.

"I guess I should have asked," says Nakatsu, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I don't mind," says Kayashima quickly, looking away.

Nakatsu grins. "Then I'll have to do it more often!"

"I don't mind," he repeats.

Nakatsu's not used to being the one doing the unsettling. Kayashima is supposed to be the in-control one. And most of the time he can be.

It's okay if they switch off sometimes. As long as they're both around, Nakatsu thinks, everything should be fine.

After all, they fit together, a little bit.

 


End file.
